The Stories I Tell ~ from The Word Cellar

Stories. Anecdotes. A free round of words for everyone!

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Location: Pennsylvania, United States

I love stories. I'm the one at social functions with a dozen new anecdotes. But I worry about hogging the conversation. Sometimes I tell myself that I'll be quiet and let others do the talking. But no matter how hard I try, my stories insist on bursting out! Here I can let my stories (the classics that I tell again and again, as well as new ones that unfold along the way) run free. I'm a professional writer and editor, and sole proprietor of The Word Cellar. I write for a variety of publications and clients on everything from green buildings and nuclear reactors to entrepreneurship and the arts. If you need words written, edited, or enlivened, I can help. Contact me.


Some landlord has a sense of humor

I found this angry looking god-turned-waterspout on the side on an apartment building near the Pittsburgh neighborhood of Squirrel Hill. I'm not sure which god it's meant to be. Maybe Bacchus or Dionysius because of the grapes? But being the god of wine, wouldn't Bacchus look happy and easygoing? Then again, maybe he's an angry drunk. And apparently, "Dionysus sometimes has the epithet Bromios, meaning 'the thunderer' or 'he of the loud shout'." But this guy doesn't look so much like he's shouting as blowing or spitting. Perhaps it's that badass Zeus, the god of sky and thunder. But he has no lightning bolt, just a waterspout. Unfortunately, I've never actually seen water coming out of his mouth. Maybe he shoots out wine instead!


add to kirtsy | 2:00 PM | 0 comments


Live Lobsters to Celebrate 5 Years!

A few weeks ago James and I celebrated our 5-year wedding anniversary. To celebrate, I honored James' love of all things surf and turf, and ordered a Lobster Gram. The nice company in Maine ships live lobsters and other tasty goodies straight to your door. I didn't get a picture of the FedEx guy delivering it, but that's okay, because he wasn't wearing a lobster costume, despite my hopes.

Here's the box the little crustaceans arrived in:

And here are the beauties themselves. The one on the right was definitely the fiestier of the two. It gave James a bit of a fight. Thank goodness for those rubber bands! (And yes, that is a lemon and a plastic bag of butter packets nestled into the box with the lobsters.)

I made James put them in the pot of boiling water. (And no, they did not scream.) (And yes, I did feel a little bit bad about the whole thing. But someone else killed the cow that gave us our filet mignon. It shouldn't make a difference who does the killing, but it does have a psychological effect.)

But of course I got past my guilt and enjoyed the scrumptious feast...

...and some good company:

Here's to another five years and beyond!

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add to kirtsy | 9:06 PM | 2 comments


A Worldly Chainsaw

If you loved One cannot simply begin calling a person a banana and expect to be understood, then keep reading. Here's another spam email excerpt. Thanks to Dave for this gem.

A stovepipe somewhat pees on the paternal short order cook. A ball bearing defined by the skyscraper operates a small fruit stand with a hockey player over the sheriff. A tabloid beyond the wheelbarrow caricatures a squid about a vacuum cleaner. A lover caricatures the fairy related to the bottle of beer, and a worldly chain saw figures out an apartment building. The pig pen from a sandwich seeks a movie theater from a blood clot, but some cough syrup from some football team barely organizes a fighter pilot.


add to kirtsy | 2:05 PM | 0 comments


More Inspiration

One of my favorite moments is the man at 1min 13sec.

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add to kirtsy | 1:49 PM | 1 comments