The Stories I Tell ~ from The Word Cellar

Stories. Anecdotes. A free round of words for everyone!

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Location: Pennsylvania, United States

I love stories. I'm the one at social functions with a dozen new anecdotes. But I worry about hogging the conversation. Sometimes I tell myself that I'll be quiet and let others do the talking. But no matter how hard I try, my stories insist on bursting out! Here I can let my stories (the classics that I tell again and again, as well as new ones that unfold along the way) run free. I'm a professional writer and editor, and sole proprietor of The Word Cellar. I write for a variety of publications and clients on everything from green buildings and nuclear reactors to entrepreneurship and the arts. If you need words written, edited, or enlivened, I can help. Contact me.


My Blog is Slack Style

My blog is slack style (as my brother put it) because my life is jack busy style!

To appease my devoted readers, and as discussed in the previous post, here is one of the things I spend my time on. I'm not sure how exciting you'll find it.

And if you're in the mood for an off-the-wall story, read about the alleged panda attack on my brother.

[That link to the panda attack doesn't seem to work unless you have a My Space account. So for your convenience, I reprint the story here, verbatim. (In other words, any typos are David's, not mine!)]

I am pretty sure I have bamboo growing out back by my patio. Well I am not sure if it is, in fact it probably is not. But I will think it is for the sake of this blog and fun. If it is bamboo then before you know it I will have a huge panda problem. I can see it now...

I will be sitting outside during the night enjoying an adult beverage. I see something out of the corner of my eye. At first I think it is a cat, no too big, a midget, no it is on all four legs...A PANDA!!! WOW, a real live panda in my backyard. Oh wait. There are more. A pack of them. About 10. Hmmm...I didn't know panda traveled in packs. Oh well. They walk slowly over to the bamboo and start eating. I sit there silently watching. They stare back with large eyes as they eat. I go to reach for my drink and snap! It was not bamboo breaking, it was my arm. The alpha panda took my reaching for the drink as an act of aggression. His jaw broke my right arm bone. I am too scared to scream as they begin to circle me. I try to make for the door but a furry of paws and jaws begin to tear my flesh. I curl in a ball. Those vicious pandas know no mercy. Once the carnage is done the pandas realize what they have done. To cover up the mess they start to put bamboo over my broken bloody body. However they get hungry in this process so they start to eat the bamboo that was on top of me. The blood gave the bamboo a certain zing. They decided to start dipping their treats into my life source as if it were any ordinary sauce. What will be my rescue? What can stand up to these evil pandas and their lust for blood soaked bamboo? Technology, that is what will save me. It is a well-known fact that pandas are scared of modern devices. My cell phone rings. The ring was like a fire alarm going off. They ran as fast as rabbits. I crawled to the phone. It was Gloria. I could barley talk. I managed to say help. She said she would be right over. I lay there bleeding with bamboo sticking out of every wound. I could not move, talk, or even see...blacked out. I wake at a hospital. Sore but alive. The doctors rush over to see if I can speak on what happened. It takes a few tries and a few drinks of water but I manage to tell the story. Of course they do not believe me. Whoever heard of pandas in Tucson...So I am sure there are many flaws in this story but you just wait and see. This is a warning for anyone on my back patio at night. Pandas can attack anytime.


add to kirtsy | 11:48 AM


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