Wherever You Go: Cranky thoughts on life
I feel blocked. I don't know what to write here. But it's not exactly writer's block. It's more life block. You know those days -- or stretches of days -- when everything just feels messy and chaotic and substandard? I think I'm having one of those. Instead of trying to hide that or make a poignant essay out of it, I thought I'd just come out and say it. So there.
That feels a little better.
Some good things have been happening:
- My husband's birthday was on Friday and we had fun celebrating with his favorite chocolate cake and a few dinners out, including one with his parents.
- My parents made it home safely from vacation, and I always feel like my world is a little more right when they're home.
- I spent a fun day with a dear friend and her little sister on Saturday, eating groovy organic pizza, laughing, telling stories, and flirting with a 22-year-old waiter who made us feel young and cute and fabulous.
- I did some good, hard writing and revising and ended up with an essay that pleases me.
- I have some good freelance projects right now.
And yet, all I seem to focus on are life's annoyances:
- My house is a mess. Really a mess. I'm never sure if my external environment mirrors my internal environment or vice versa. All I know is that when one is haphazard and unsettled, so is the other.
- My sleep schedule is all over the place, which makes me feel less productive.
- I haven't been exercising or doing yoga, even though I keep reminding and then promising myself that I will.
- I still haven't planted anything in my brand new vegetable and herb garden because it's been raining all month. And until it stops raining, we can't clean and stain the deck. And until we do the deck, we can't have the exterminator come and spray for the wasps and hornets that have commandeered my back yard. And until we spew chemicals everywhere, I can't plant my garden. (Don't even get me started on the non-organic nature of all this. I'm wracked with guilt as it is, even though I'm assured that the chemicals are safe and non-toxic to humans. But if you have a better, greener way to deal with multiple wasp nests in the crevices of my house, let me know -- nicely, please. I have to do something; it's like a hornet and wasp airport out there.)
Sometimes I get sick of being with myself. But as my dad says: Wherever you go, there you are.
Where are you these days? I'd truly love to know.