The Zen of 30

I turned 30 two days ago. I meant to write about it on the big day, but I was too busy celebrating and trying not to fall apart.

A big door shut in my face that day. It had nothing to do with turning 30. Basically (and vaguely), I thought I was going down one path professionally, but found out that I had to detour at the last minute. This has happened at least four times in the past six months. Each time I face the disappointment, people like my brother tell me, "Don't be discouraged. This just means that something better will come along." I was not feeling quite so fateful about it. Shit happens.

But now I need to find something to keep me sane and hopeful. So I am surprisingly Zen about this latest letdown. I do believe in the Higher Power, and I do believe that He cares for me. I'm not convinced that everything that happens in this world is exactly what He desires. After all, this is a fallen world. But I do believe that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love Him.

So I've decided to step back, see the bigger picture, and try to find the next step. Maybe I've been going about this all wrong. Perhaps I need to broaden my scope. I'm not quite sure what that means yet, but thinking it makes me feel better. I will find Plan B. I'll wait on the Lord, but I'll be proactive in doing so.

There's a somewhat smarmy saying that goes: "When God shuts a door, he opens a window." It's a nice sentiment, but sentiment gets on my nerves sometimes. I've watched several doors and windows open and close in rapid succession lately. Am I bitter? I was.

Now, I think I'm just interested to find out what's behind Door Number One.

["Bob, tell her what she's won..."]
["It's a brand new car!"]